Posted on 09.25.2020

Sadiversaries - Soapbox Jr.

Yes, I know the title isn’t a real word, but it should be.

Sunday, September 20, 2020, would have marked mom and dad’s 56th wedding anniversary.

As we have for the past few weeks, Dean Tubb, mom and dad’s bus driver of over 30 years – and dear family friend - joined mom and me for lunch. It was a solemn occasion, and we tried to downplay the day. Dad’s guitar tech, Roger Campbell and his wife Terry showed up for a while which was good company for her.

Overall, she held up pretty well. She’s a very strong woman, but she has her moments.

It occurred to me that the rest of this year is going to be rough. Not that it hasn’t already been. 

Mom’s birthday will be forever marred by memories of dad’s passing two days before and attending a family visitation along with a public memorial service outside the funeral home on what is supposed to be a day of celebration.

But it’s not going to get any easier, dad’s birthday will be in late October, then the first Thanksgiving without dad, and then the dreaded first Christmas.

The Daniels house has always made a big deal during the holidays, with seasonal decorations, and multiple Christmas trees during the month of December, a definite Christmas wonderland.

Thanksgiving and Christmas time always results in a packed house full of food, friends and good times with sometimes 30 - or more - in attendance at these gatherings.

I’m hoping that we will keep it going so that it will be as close to normal as possible without the obvious absence of dad. It will already be emotional and painful, but I think it will be worse if we don’t do anything.

As bad as Thanksgiving will be, Christmas Eve will be worse. 

On Christmas Eve, close friends and CDB family always gather after Christmas Eve services at church and then after dinner, we gather in their large den, and dad would always read his story, “A Carolina Christmas Carol,” and the Christmas story from the Book of Luke. I’ll have to step up in his absence, or maybe we’ll play one of the audio recordings of the stories. We’ll figure that out closer to the actual date, but it won’t be the same.

After that, it will get even more emotional, because dad would always go around the room and ask everyone to say something, most people will talk about good – or sometimes bad – things that had happened this year, or things that they are thankful for, and some just say “Merry Christmas,” but I’ve got a feeling this is going to be a rough tradition to get through.

Christmas morning won’t be the same either. With the exception of one Christmas when I had gone to my ex-wife’s family’s house for Christmas in 2000, I’ve spent every Christmas with mom and dad. Actually, I did get to spend that Christmas evening with dad because he picked me up at the airport that night, and we drove to what was then called Adelphia Coliseum to watch the Tennessee Titans play the Dallas Cowboys on a special Christmas night football game with the Monday Night Football crew calling the game. It was pretty special. 

31-0 Titans.

But this Christmas definitely won’t be like any other in my life.

This isn’t unique to the Daniels household, in fact, it’s an inevitability for all of us.

We’re going to lose loved ones, it’s just a sad fact, and we’re going to have to move on with life as best as we can in their absence, but as much as we miss them, the special moments like holidays, birthdays and anniversaries will become harder because of their absences.

Dad always wanted me to go out and live my life. Even if he had some surgery and was at home resting and recovering, I’d be there to help, and he would urge me to go on home, or to go out, and to not just be sitting around while he’s sleeping and recovering. 

I know he’d be urging me to do the same thing now. We miss him terribly, but he wouldn’t want us to continue to sit around and be sad about him not being here. Instead, he would want us to live life to the fullest.

We’ve been told it gets easier with time, but it’s hard to imagine that right now.

It’s not easy, but we’re doing the best we can.

We’ll have more “Sadiversaries” to deal with next year, but one day at a time.

We love you, and miss you, dad. 

What do you think?

Pray for our troops, our police, our country and the Peace of Jerusalem.

God Bless America

— Charlie Daniels, Jr.
 

PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU POST

Feel free to comment on soapboxes, but please refrain from profanity and anonymous posts are not allowed, we need a name and you MUST provide a valid email address. If you provide an email address, but leave the name as "Anonymous" we will pick a name for you based on your email address. No one other than website administrators will see your email address, not other posters. If you post without a valid email address, your comment (whether positive or negative) will be deleted. — TeamCDB/BW

 

Check out "Geechi Geechi Ya Ya Blues" from Beau Weevils - 'Songs in the Key of E'

 

 

Comments

Let The Dead Bury Their Dead
Amen, Amen & Amen Charlie Jr, This verse comes to my mind in this situation, for I heard my mother quote it so many times in her short life, she passed in her early fifties. Luke 9:60 KJV "Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God." I have heard many people explain it many ways, but in my mind where the rubber meets the road is that just as your dad would tell you, life goes on and you need to live each and every day to it's fullest. Having buried both parents and a grandchild I can assure you that time does ease the pain, but it dang sure ain't easy. I'm sure that Charlie's cornbread stuffing will be replicated, but it won't be the same either. You got to rest in Jesus, knowing that He is in control and will give you and your mother the strength to carry on. Praying for you daily, Keep the Faith, God Bless Plowboy
Posted by Plowboy
Holidays
It’s sad to hear how hard the coming holidays will be for you and your Mom. I feel your pain and have the dreaded anticipation of what my holidays will also be like. I lost my husband of 42 years 4 days after Christmas last year, so these holidays will be my “firsts” as well. Our anniversary came and there was nothing of the usual to get me through, but I managed. I now have the holidays and his birthday, I’m not thinking this will be any better. Thankfully you have each other to lean on and all your extended family that will make sure to make these hard days easier on both of you. Blessings to you and your Mom.
Posted by Mary
Good Word Invention
Well, all that in what has been such an unremarkable year otherwise. (Little sarcasm but you get it) But it is especially during those upended times that it is nice to have the support of family. You know, I have know way to know, but I think maybe when your dad told you to move along that in reality he was sure relieved you were there. I'm betting it was appreciated more than you know. And I bet he'd be there at Christmas too. ~~ NIMOC
Posted by Jeff
Hard times
I can definitely relate to what you and Mom are going through. Sept 22 2001 my brother passed in Nashville, coincidentally he and Pat McDonald were friends, the main reason I am writing this is because he died on my sister’s birthday and her birthday has been marred ever since. Both you and your mom are in my prayers, God bless you both and the CBD family
Posted by James
Sadiversary
It's always tough to lose your parent. No matter what some may say, you never get over it and it is never ok. You learn to live without your parent but you rarely go through a day not thinking about him/her. You miss the conversations, you miss the wisdom they gave, you miss hearing their voice, you miss holidays, shopping, mealtimes, their laughter, and you miss not having their presence in your life. It doesn't get easier but you do learn to live without them. The "firsts" are the worst. After that, you learn to adjust to life without them and you move forward. You have to...they want you to move on and enjoy your life. They are always with you in spirit and are watching over you.
Posted by JoAnn