2006 Soap Box Archives

Old Cars

Every once in a while when we're traveling from one place to another we see
a line of vintage cars heading to or from automobile show somewhere.

You can tell that the people who own and drive these cars really love them
and have them shining like a new penny and running like a top. They take
great pride in these antiques and spend a lot of time and money keeping them in tip top shape.

Now I absolutely love to look at these classic machines, they're beautiful
and unique and represent a time when the automobile industry really took
pains to produce a great vehicle, but as to owning one I'm afraid I'll have
to pass.

Basically for two reasons, first I have the mechanical acumen of a pregnant
toad frog and to tell you the truth, in the early days I drove so many
pieces of ancient junk that it pretty much soured me out on old cars.

I hate breaking down, oil leaks, loose breaks, radios that don't work and
listening to a starter grind. I hate setting beside the road, pushing a car,
changing worn out tires, and headlights that are so dim you have to strike a
match to see if they're working.

No, I don't want old, I want new, I want a speedometer with a lot of zeros,
tires with lots of tread, a transmission that doesn't jerk and something
that will actually drive by a gas station without turning in.

Deliver me from a rattling, shaky, loose steering, gas guzzling, oil
burning, leaky, tattered, raggedy, hard to start pieces of automotive
garbage.

About the only thing I can do to keep a car running is pump gasoline into
it. Anything much more complicated than changing license plates is like
Lithuanian arithmetic to me. A wrench and a screwdriver seem as foreign to
my hand as a left-handed abacus. If it ain't got strings on it I just can't
handle it.

It's a low down feeling to be setting off the side of the road and know that
you can't even change a spark plug or adjust the carburetor or any other
minor mechanical glitch. I have changed a few tires in my time but I am by
no means good at it.

So I'll just leave the vintage cars to someone who has the ability to keep
them running.

I think a NASCAR pit crew could do a credible job of keeping anything running and getting it done in a hurry, after all they can change four tires, clean a windshield and fill a gas tank in just a few seconds. But when it comes to me, forget it.

No, I like new cars and new pickup trucks that start up right away even on
cold mornings and run wonderfully as long as the gas lasts.

Now that's my kind of machine.

Pray for our troops.

What do you think?

God Bless America

Charlie Daniels

 

©Copyright The Charlie Daniels Band