2003 Soap Box Archives

Not Too Agile 09/12/03

I will be the first to admit that I’m not the most graceful person that
ever lived. In fact I can be downright clumsy, but sometimes I think
that Hazel tends to overreact.

For instance, there are two ceramic candlesticks that sit on the table
in our kitchen. When we get ready to have a meal, Hazel moves them and
sets out the plates and silverware.

Well it just so happens that I like to set up my computer on that very
same table and if I start to move those candlesticks Hazel comes
running across the room yelling, “Don’t touch those candlesticks, they
don’t make them anymore, I’ll do it.”

Now I know that I’m the quintessential bull in the china closet, but
I’m pretty sure that I can muster up the dexterity to move two pieces
of baked clay without dropping them on the floor and busting them.

Just because I’ve broken various plates and saucers over the years and
bumped into a couple of lamps and busted a five gallon jug of spring
water on the floor and cracked one of her crystal wine glasses, she
seems to think that I’m some kind of a klutz.

It even carries over when we play golf. After she gets up on the tee
and hits her ball straight down the absolute heart of the fairway and I
get up and hit mine in the pond which stands about 85 degrees to the
right some seventy five yards from the tee box, she gets this superior
look on her face and says in a bored voice, “You’re too violent, you
need to slow down.”

Ok, I can take advice. So I tee up another ball and take a back swing
which takes a little north of five minutes and swing at the ball as if
it was made of blown glass, and hit it into the pond about eighty-five
degrees to the right some seventy-five yards from the tee box.

I came up washing my hands in a wash basin and you were supposed to
shake the excess water off your hands before you dried them with a
towel. That’s how I was taught to do it and since we didn’t have
running water and the pump was on the back porch, that’s where you
would more than likely wash your hands.

I’ve been shaking the excess water off my hands after washing them all
my life and never giving it a second thought, but I’ve come to find out
that it is an infraction of the rules at our house. Because it seems
that I tend to get drops of water all over the mirror above the sink.

Sometimes I feel like putting a wash basin on the back porch and
shaking a gallon of water off my hands if I dang well please.

Among my other transgressions are tracking dirt in the house,
getting Sharpie ink on the kitchen table when I do autographs, not
turning the water off completely, dropping food on the floor and yes
I’m guilty of that most horrible of faults, leaving the seat up.

Whoever said that it’s a man’s world didn’t know what he was talking
about.

Pray for our troops.

What do you think?

God Bless America

Charlie Daniels

 

©Copyright The Charlie Daniels Band