2003 Soap Box Archives

Chirac The Blockhead 05/09/03

Wine not selling? Cheese molding? Tourist trade down by three hundred
thousand people?

Rough stuff messieurs, you should have thought about the consequences
before you poked your grande proboscis into the affairs of the United
States of America.

And no I’m not talking about you abstaining from the war in Iraq. We
didn’t really need you for that anyway as has been so aptly proven. No
it’s not that, it’s the way you went about it.

You tried to make us look like war mongers in the eyes of the world and
sent your diplomats around canvassing countries about the size of a
postage stamp to vote against us in the United Nations, which by the
way should be a French organization anyway, since it operates with
about as much efficiency as your country does.

Give the inspectors more time you said. More time for what? So the
Iraqi intelligence agents could find and destroy all the documents
linking you with them. Like the ones which document your passing
secret information to Saddam Hussein? Or the ones about selling
forbidden products to him? What else have you got to hide Mr. Chirac?

You just get more and more ridiculous all the time. Now you want to
have a United European Community Army. Don’t you realize that will
probably destroy NATO?

Not that it will bother the U.S.A. so much, since it was organized to
defend against the Soviet Union, yes your buddies the Soviet Union who
built the military equipment that didn’t work so well in Iraq.

I say great, let’s just bring all our troops home from Germany and
leave the defense of your whole continent to you and your cohorts.
Although I’m sure if the British or Spanish ever called we’d be there
with bells on.

Oh by the way, Germany isn’t going to be much help since they don’t
have a standing army.

Oh and by the way, Mr. Chirac, can you answer a question for me? Why
do you think that Iraq is an international problem and that North Korea
is an exclusively American one?

Do you really think that you are immune from terrorist attacks? Do you
really think these animals won’t come against you? Well if everybody
in France converts to radical Islam and elects a Mullah as their
dictator you might be left alone, unless they run out of anybody else
to fight.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but when these people can’t find a
common enemy they turn on each other.

Why don’t you just admit it mon ami, you’ve been in Iraq’s corner for
a long time. Weren’t you the one who built the nuclear reactor there,
the same one the Israelis blew up in the eighties?

And don’t you have personal oil interests in Iraq to the tune of
millions of francs?

Mr. Chirac you’ve led your country down the thorny primrose path.
We’ve been blasted by you personally and your press has made a mockery
out of the best friend France ever had. Now the bill is due.

The American people, for the most part, look at you as a buffoon,
Mr. Chirac, a caricature, a joke.

You had no idea that Saddam would fall in three weeks, did you?

You even dared to hope that world opinion would stop us from going into
Iraq, didn’t you?

Well check it out Mr. Chirac, Bill Clinton is no longer President,
world opinion no longer dictates what goes on in the Oval Office.

The time for chasing interns has passed and the time for getting on
with business is upon us.

But I’ll bet I don’t have to convince you of that now, do I Mr. Chirac?

Pray for our troops.

What do you think?

God Bless America

Charlie Daniels

 

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