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2001 Soap Box Archives Dear Mr. Baldwin, It is my understanding that you have made the statement that if George W. Bush was elected president that you were going to move out of the United States, and I thought I would make a few suggestions in case you’re having trouble making up your mind where you want to go. Australia is a nice place, pretty liberal, however I think I should warn you that the first time you start showing your militant attitude, one of them Aussie good ole boys will probably take your head off, literally. You might try Africa except there are an awful lot of guns over there and I know you couldn’t abide that. How about Russia? Oh no, you would be miserable in a country which exports so much of the world’s furs. Let’s see, maybe China would be the answer. It’s about as far left as you can get without falling off the world, but you’d have to give up criticizing the government. They don’t take kindly to that sort of thing in that part of the world. I guess Canada’s an option but it and Mexico are probably too close to the country you refuse to live in. I would suggest Brazil but with what’s going on in the rain forest you’d probably have apoplexy. How about this? Why don’t you get together with a bunch of your rich Hollywood friends and buy an island and start your own country. You could take Al Gore along with you and make him President. Barbara Striesand could be Secretary of State and the Congress could be a star studded body of flaming liberals. Oh they could have a grand old time passing hate crime legislation and crafting cradle to grave social issues. Just think, no conservatives flies in your ointment, no Strom Thurmans, no Jesse Helms. You could even have your own newspaper. I’m sure there is no limit to the amount of journalists you could attract. You could sing the praises of homosexuality, abortion, animal rights and the abolition of drug laws and you could blast the evils of school vouchers and death penalties. President Gore could sponsor legislation to outlaw the internal combustion engine and the cutting of trees. Just think, the whole country could be just one big national park, your own little utopia. Yes, Mr. Baldwin, just think your own country, just the way you like it . You could call it something like Leninland and your motto could be “By hook or crook or dimpled chad we strive to meet our goals”. By the way if you do decide to buy your own country please save a place for an out of work president and his wife. Whatever you decide to do you’d better hurry, January 20th is just around the corner and “you know who” will be holding forth in the oval office and if you’re a man of your word it’s time for you to bid this horrible country adios. What do you think? God
Bless America
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