Golf Shots and the Lack Therof

May 30 | Posted by: Charlie | Tags: Golf, Humor

I've got a mat in back of our house where I hit golf balls out into the pasture. I call it my redneck driving range because the direction I hit depends on the current position of the horse and cows that happen to be grazing in it.

I buy used golf balls, knock them out in the pasture, pick 'em back up and hit ‘em again. It works out pretty well except some of the balls are liable to come back covered in bovine or equine industrial waste.

The distance markers can be fence posts, or a patch of high weeds and if I can clear the big cedar tree about 80 yards straight in front of the tee, I know I have made a decent wedge shot and if I can get one to the tree line on the other side of the pasture with a wood I know I've had a good drive.

With the weather getting nice the last few weeks in Tennessee I have spent a good amount of time at my hillbilly country club trying to find my elusive swing and finally, after thirty some years of abject hacking and perfecting new cuss words to befit the situation, I want to be able to play 18 holes of golf, shoot somewhere in the middle 90s and leave the course with the feeling that the fun has outweighed the frustration.

I would start with a sand wedge, then a pitching wedge and work my way up to a seven iron, which is the longest iron I carry, I go from there to a seven wood and tee off with a five wood. Long irons and the bigger woods intimidate me before I even take them out of the bag, so a couple of years ago I just started leaving them at home.

Anyway I've been pretty hard at practice in anticipation of my first round of golf. I worked on keeping my head still, shifting my weight at just the right time, my takeaway, the wrist snap, the finish and all the things that go into hitting a decent golf shot.

Yesterday we had a day off in West Virginia, there was a fine course in the area, we had our grandson Evan out with us, so we booked a tee time and Hazel, Evan and myself, on a perfect West Virginia day headed out for a day on the links.

I have never been a long knocker; if I can just get past the ladies tees and keep it in the fairway I'm pretty happy. Hazel doesn't hit the ball long either but almost always finds the fairway.

Evan, however, is an athlete and can boom a driver, he hit a ball about three hundred and forty yards off the tee yesterday, he's not consistent and needs to work on his short game but he's got game and, if he takes it seriously, will be a good golfer one of these days.

My first tee shot went a little right but still playable. Hazel's tee shot was right down the pike as usual and Evan blasted one long but way right and we were off.

I wish I could tell you that after my partially errant tee shot on number one that I straightened my drives, that my short game was approaching brilliancy and my putting was a beautiful thing to behold.

But after about two holes it became apparent that I was back to the same ol’ same ol’, couldn't keep my head still, didn't do a proper wrist cock and took my eye off the ball before the club head got there.

I was back to my less than mediocre game, hacking my way around a magnificent golf course, wondering why I could not transfer the swing I had at my redneck driving range to the hills of West Virginia, but alas it was not to be.

So I did what I usually do, forget the scorecard and have fun. Hit a ball in the woods or the water, drop another one and hit it again. Go into a sand trap that looks too deep for you throw it up on the green and roll on.

And why hit a ball in heavy rough when the fairway is just a few feet away? Put it in the short stuff.

Now don't get me wrong I would love to be a good golfer, but I probably never will. I’m never going to play like Tiger, but then Tiger can't play a fiddle, so I figure it's a fair swap.

So a little advice for all you golfers who know down inside you just ain't got it when it comes to being a good golfer.

Relax, throw the scorecard away and have some fun.

I must say that golf is the most fun I've ever had while being severely aggravated.

What do you think?

Pray for our troops and the peace of Jerusalem.

God Bless America

Charlie Daniels

Amen & Amen Charlie, any day you can have fun, especially with your loved ones is a good day. I always try to remember it is only a game, of which all should be played for fun & fellowship more than any thing else. God Bless Plowboy

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